Untitled
The House Of Murphy
Murphy's home
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F
Faber's Laws:
  1. If there isn't a law, there will be.
  2. The number of errors in any piece of writing rises in proportion to the writer's reliance on secondary sources.

Fairfax's Law:
Any facts which, when included in the argument, give the desired result, are fair facts for the argument.

Falkland's Rule:
When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision.

Farber's First Law:
Give him an inch and he'll screw you.

Farber's Second Law:
A hand in the bush is worth two anywhere else.

Farber's Third Law:
We're all going down the same road in different directions.

Farber's Fourth Law:
Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.

Farnsdick's corollary
After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.

Farrow's Finding:
If God had intended for us to go to concerts, He would have given us tickets.

Law of Fashion:
Any given dress is: indecent 10 years before its time, daring 1 year before its time, chic in its time, dowdy 3 years after its time, hideous 20 years after its time, amusing 30 years after its time, romantic 100 years after its time, and beautiful 150 years after its time.

Rule of Feline Frustration:
When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.

Fetridge's Law:
Important things that are supposed to happen do not happen, especially when people are looking.

Fett's Law of the Lab:
Never replicate a successful experiment.

The Fifth Rule:
You have taken yourself too seriously.

Finagle's Creed:
Science is Truth. Don't be misled by fact.

Finagle's First Law:
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

Finagle's Second Law:
No matter what result is anticipated, there will always be someone eager to
  1. misinterpret it,
  2. fake it, or
  3. believe it happened according to his own pet theory.

Finagle's Third Law:
In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
Corollaries:
  1. No one whom you ask for help will see it.
  2. Everyone who stops by with unsought advice will see it immediately.

Finagle's Fourth Law:
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.

Finagle's Law According to Niven:
The perversity of the universe tends to a maximum.

Finagle's Laws of Information:
  1. The information you have is not what you want.
  2. The information you want is not what you need.
  3. The information you need is not what you can obtain.
  4. The information you can obtain costs more than you want to pay.


Finagle's Rules:
Ever since the first scientific experiment, man has been plagued by the increasing antagonism of nature. It seems only right that nature should be logical and neat, but experience has shown that this is not the case. A further series of rules has been formulated, designed to help man accept the pigheadedness of nature.
  1. To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
  2. Always keep a record of data. It indicates you've been working.
  3. Always draw your curves, then plot the reading.
  4. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
  5. Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.
  6. When you don't know what you are doing, do it NEATLY.
  7. Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else.
  8. Always verify your witchcraft.
  9. Be sure to obtain meteorological data before leaving on vacation.
  10. Do not believe in miracles. Rely on them.

Fishbein's Conclusion:
The tire is only flat on the bottom.

Fitz-Gibbon's Law:
Creativity varies inversely with the number of cooks involved with the broth.

Flap's Law:
Any inanimate object, regardless of its composition or configuration, may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner for reasons that are either entirely obscure or completely mysterious.

Ford Pinto Rule:
Never buy a car that has a wick.

Fortis's Three Great Lies of Life:
  1. Money isn't everything.
  2. It's great to be a Negro.
  3. I'm only going to put it in a little way.

Foster's Law:
If you cover a congressional committee on a regular basis, they will report the bill on your day off.

Fowler's Law:
In a bureaucracy, accomplishment is inversely proportional to the volume of paper used.

Fowler's Note:
The only imperfect thing in nature is the human race.

Frankel's Law:
Whatever happens in government could have happened differently, and it usually would have been better if it had.
Corollary: Once things have happened, no matter how accidentally, they will be regarded as manifestations of an unchangeable Higher Reason.

Franklin's Observation:
He that lives upon Hope dies farting.

Franklin's Rule:
Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall not be disappointed.

Freeman's Law:
Nothing is so simple it cannot be misunderstood.

Freemon's Rule:
Circumstances can force a generalized incompetent to become competent, at least in a specialized field.

Fried's Law:
Ideas endure and prosper in inverse proportion to their soundness and validity.

Laws of the Frisbee:
  1. The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc straining to land under a car, just beyond reach (The technical term for this force is "car suck").
  2. The higher the quality of a catch or the comment it receives, the greater the probability of a crummy return throw ("Good catch. . . Bad throw...").
  3. One must never precede any maneuver by a comment more predictive than, "Watch this!" (Keep 'em guessing).
  4. The higher the costs of hitting any object, the greater the certainty it will be struck (Remember: The disk is positive; cops and old ladies are clearly negative).
  5. The best catches are never seen ("-Did you see that? -See what?").
  6. The greatest single aid to distance is for the disc to be going in a direction you did not want (Wrong way = long way).
  7. The most powerful hex words in the sport are: "I really have this down -- watch." (Know it? Blow it!).
  8. In any crowd of spectators at least one will suggest that razor blades could be attached to the disc ("You could maim and kill with that thing").
  9. The greater your need to make a good catch, the greater the probability your partner will deliver his worst throw (If you can't touch it, you can't trick it).
  10. The single most difficult move with a disc is to put it down ("Just one more!").

Frisch's Law:
You cannot have a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

Frothingham's Fallacy:
Time is money.

Fudd's First Law of Opposition:
If you push something hard enough, it will fall over.

Teslacle's Deviant to Fudd's Law:
It goes in -- it must come out.

Funkhouser's Law of the Power of the Press:
The quality of legislation passed to deal with a problem is inversely proportional to the volume of media clamor that brought it on.

Futility Factor (Carson's Consolation):
No experiment is ever a complete failure -- it can always serve as a bad example, or the exception that proves the rule (but only if it is the first experiment in the series).

Fyffe's Axiom:
The problem-solving process will always break down at the point at which it is possible to determine who caused the problem.
Murphy's home
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